Weak leg

Current Meds:
1. Citalopram 10mg once daily
2. Lorazepam .5mg at bedtime

Current Symptoms
Physical: Weakness and slight tremors in left leg and left hand
Sensory: Optic neuritis in left eye
Psychological (memory/mood): none
Medication side effect?: none

I noticed in the shower this morning that it was eaiser to stand on my right leg than my left. I suppose the damage sustained years ago to those nerves was greater than I thought. I often get weak on that side but since this recent flare up it's been slightly more trouble for me than usual. I can still stand on it but it takes much more effort as the muscles in my left thigh and foot flex wildly trying to correct for balance, where as it is perfect balance and rather easy to do on my right.

I just noticed that my hand was trembling as I was holding it over the keyboard. It's quite restless and trembles quite a bit, looks like Parkinson's but I know it's not that. These are the symptoms I find the most distressing because it feels like I'm losing control over my body. Well, I am really, and that's hard to digest and feel comfortable with. It makes me nervious, to a fault. Anyway, the eyesight hasn't gotten much better in a few days so I guess it won't clear up before I get home. A pity, I'm really enjoying some parts of my vacation while I'm missing out on a lot as well. I do hope I can get back to something more "normal" soon.

Sight returning!

Current Meds:
1. Citalopram 10mg once daily
2. Lorazepam .5mg at bedtime

Current Symptoms
Physical: None
Sensory: Optic neuritis in left eye
Psychological (memory/mood): none
Medication side effect?: none

I feel fantastic. Except that I noticed how out of shape I am today. Wow. I really need to get back to where I was. I found it hard walking back from the mall. That's terrible, I was in such good shap. But that's not getting me down too much because my sight is returning finally.

Last night before bed I seemed to have my depth perception back again. And the blurred vision in my right eye was almost gone. I did a few visual tests to check my vision and I discovered that I could see a lot more than I could before through my left eye. Colors are still dull but the contours are coming back fast. I can almost make out faces and see cars in the oncoming lane. I'd probably be able to drive again in a few weeks. Thank God! I'd feel so useless if I couldn't do that again. I was driving a lot when I shoudn't have before I left for BC.

I'm also worried alot about my health in the diet and exercise areas. I can't do much about that until I get home. As soon as I clean my place up my first task is to start research and meetings on those areas of my health. Until then, I'll just keep doing what I'm doing. I've been avoiding caffine and diet pops, eating lots of fruits and veggies, pastas, avoiding spicy foods as well and alcohol. But the big news is that my vision is way way way better today. I slept very good last night for the first time. I think a little stress has left me. Not being able to see is hard to deal with at times. But all my paitence is paying off as it is slowly getting better day by day. Hopefully it won't be long now.

Weak and Shakey

Current Meds:
1. Citalopram 10mg once daily
2. Lorazepam .5mg at bedtime

Current Symptoms
Physical: shaking in left limbs and slight weakness
Sensory: Optic neuritis in left eye
Psychological (memory/mood): none
Medication side effect?: none

I think my symptoms are due to a little stress. They seem to get better with a little progressive muscle relaxation. Doing my best to get out in the sun and be merry. What else can I do? :)

Taking it easy in Victoria.

Alive and well

Current Meds:
1. Citalopram 10mg once daily
2. Lorazepam .5mg at bedtime

Current Symptoms
Physical: none
Sensory: Optic neuritis in left eye
Psychological (memory/mood): none
Medication side effect?: none

Still mostly blind but I'm feeling better than I've felt in months. I feel like working out at the judo club today. Unfortunatly it's on the other side of the country. Oh well. I'll be back into it soon enough.

I read the first words I've been able to read since the ON started through my left eye yesterday. It's easy to not be excited however becuase I have a ways to go. I still can't read small print and I can't see lights, colors, especially red, or distant objects (over 10-12 m), like cars in the oncoming lane. But my right eye has taken up most of the slack and is feeling a bit over worked... who could blame him, really.

I've decided to ask my doctor back home to set me up with the Halifax MS clinic to see a vision speciallist, a nutritionist, and a personal trainer to get me back to myself, seeing and feeling great. I figure if anywhere has the answers for me its at the MS clinic in Halifax.

Now, on to enjoying the amazing weather in Victoria. :)

Current Meds:
1. Citalopram 10mg once daily
2. Lorazepam .5mg at bedtime

Current Symptoms
Physical: fatigue
Sensory: Optic neuritis in left eye and blurred vision
Psychological (memory/mood): none
Medication side effect?: none

I'm feeling much better today. I'm still frustrated with my vision. I really want to enjoy this beautiful island. I legally blind. But on the good side of things, I can actually read large print with my left up close. Anything farther away than arms length, forget it. And I can't read normal print yet, but it's coming... I know it.

It looks like I might be able to get out and enjoy today. Thank God. I thought I was going to have to abort my vacation early, but I am feeling pretty good today.

That was quite a withdrawl from the steroids... that is some nasty stuff. Not looking forward to doing that anytime again in the future. I want to start my MS treatments as soon as possible so I don't have to do the steroid thing as much. I just hope I find a treatment that works for me in good time. I don't feel like doing the trial and error method for years. But I'll do what I have to. I might try to get in shape this week. Try some swimming and some jogging when it cools off. Anyway, no more spicy food and alcohol for me. I wish I had a good MS diet. Anyone know anything?

I'm going to hook myself up with the MS clinic in Halifax when I get home. I'll get all fixed up there for sure with what I need.

Hospital Trip in Victoria

Current Meds:
1. Citalopram 10mg once daily
2. Lorazepam .5mg at bedtime
3. Malox
4. Maxeran 10mg

Current Symptoms
Physical: extreme fatigue
Sensory: Optic neuritis in left eye and blurred vision
Psychological (memory/mood): none
Medication side effect?: none

SO I had a trip to the hospital last night. I got the tour of the Vancouver Island health authority via the Royal Jubilee Hospital. They have a great medical system out here.

I wasn't feeling well after supper and I got a really wierd feeling in my chest and asked to go to the hospital. As soon as I got out side... blah. Lovely. But I felt better almost afterwards. So I take a min and compose myself and then off to the hospital.

After about three hours I left with a maxeran tablet for the morning after slamming back one before I left with some malox and a maxeran injection in my right hand. I was able to get some sleep after that thank God. I slept all day long and I'm still sleepy. It's the hottest day in Victoria in weeks and I'm just sloppy today. I still feel kinda sick. I'm going to try eat a little now and hopefully that'll put some energy in me. A cold shower might help too.

Oh they also gave me my chart to take home because the found a variant in my heart beat on the EKG. The doctor told me to follow up with my family doctor. Great.

Shaky in Kelowna

Current Meds:
1. Prednisone (20mg for one week)
2. Citalopram 10mg once daily
3. Lorazepam .5mg at bedtime

Current Symptoms
Physical: Numb tingly big right toe
Sensory: Optic neuritis in left eye (I really mind this today - hard to see)
Psychological (memory/mood): none
Medication side effect?: shaky hands, trembling (MS or side effect? not sure)

I woke up in Kelowna after 6 hours of sleep--not enough, but it'll get me through until Victoria. I'll sleep in the car. I had an exciting drive over the rockies as my right toe went numb and tingly. I wasn't sure if my right leg was going to go limp or what, no hospitals up there in the rockies so I would have been in deep trouble. All this time zone shifting is killing me too.

This morning at breakfast across the road at DeDutch my hands were trembling and my vision was terrible. I could hardly see what I was eating, but it tasted good. :) SO I'm getting ready for the second leg to Victoria. We are all a little sleep deprived today and I think that's causing most of my troubles.

I finished off my meds this morning and threw the container into the garbage. That felt good. I just wish my MS attack would go away. I still can't see and it's starting to ware me down. Of course all the travelling in so short a time can do that too. I'm just trying to enjoy the scenery and keep my mood light and pleasent. We had a great day of driving yesterday, lots of fun and laughter. So things are going well.

End of Steroids / Progress

Current Meds:
1. Prednisone (20mg for one week)
2. Citalopram 10mg once daily
3. Lorazepam .5mg at bedtime

Current Symptoms
Physical: none
Sensory: Optic neuritis in left eye (on the mend)
Psychological (memory/mood): none
Medication side effect?: Elevated heart rate

A few things: I've been dropping my dose of Lorazepam the last few nights. I want to wein myself off of it slowly because it is habit forming. I'd like to be taking as little meds as possible throughout my life and I seem to be managing sleep and anxeity better these days with exercises and meditation. Hopefully I can make a full adjustment and not require the use of medications at all for such things.

I'm nearing the end of my steroid run. Tomorrow is the last dose. And while there is no certainty of the steriods helping me mend my blindness faster than I would have without the treatment, I can't help wondering if I'd been better off without them. I don't seem to be recovering as fast as I'd hoped. I can see shapes now but that's nothing new. My vision is still cloudy and dull with no color in my left eye and I can't make out details like facial features or words and letters. Anyway, tomorrow I'm off the steriod treatment and left to mend on my own without the help of drugs. So we'll see what happens. :S

The reason I'm typing this now is because I'm heading to the mountains in about an hour from now and I don't know when I'll get the opportunity to type again. I'm thinking it may take my body a while to adjust to the lack of meds in my body. So I might be out another week with left over symptoms, especially up in the elevations. Being here in Calgary is elevated enough to make a difference when I run in the mornings. I was out for another short walk/run this morning. It feels good to be active again. I can't wait to get back to sea level without any meds in me. I might actually get back in shape before I get home. Lots of swimming in the pacific coming up. Lots of running too and mountain climbing and hiking. Nothing but outdoor adventure on my vacations. MS be damned. :D I just wish my vision would clear. I'd really like to enjoy the views I know are coming. I've seen so many things already and I've tried to enjoy it, but I really need my other eye back. I guess that's up to my disease. I feel a bit helpless about that but what can I do really? Patience. I'm learning this skill with difficulty. But I am learning it.

Taiji in the early morning hours.

Stampede / Heat / Exercise

Current Meds:
1. Prednisone (20mg for one week)
2. Citalopram 10mg once daily
3. Lorazepam .5mg at bedtime

Current Symptoms
Physical: Major fatigue
Sensory: Optic neuritis in left eye (on the mend)
Psychological (memory/mood): none
Medication side effect?: none

Well, today almost killed me. I spent the day wandering around the Calgary Stampede and the heat just got to me way too much. I decided to pull out around 3:30, I was hardly standing up.

I've been up since 5am this morning. I managed to start some form of excercise today. I did some Taichi this morning and a small work out and a short run before the heat got up. I've managed my appetite better today as well; I only ate light today.

My central vision is starting to come back. My left eye is almost useful again. But I think I still have some time to go. I have a little depth perception today which is good. That seems to be all the MS related news for now. Just exhausted. :P Blah!

Jet Lag

Current Meds:
1. Prednisone (20mg for one week)
2. Citalopram 10mg once daily
3. Lorazepam 1mg at bedtime

Current Symptoms
Physical: Major fatigue
Sensory: Optic neuritis in left eye (on the mend)
Psychological (memory/mood): none
Medication side effect?: none

Well, jet lag is kicking in. I feel very strange. I'm taking my pills on Alberta time now so my body is going though an adjustment period. I don't think it knows where it is yet. But I feel pretty good. I have a cool basement to sleep in and my only concern is that I look exactly like how I feel. :S

The plane was interesting. Airports are not MS friendly. Lots of standing and waiting makes for very tired and sore legs. I tried to sit as much as possible. Lots of rude people. Lots of friendly people too.

I had a bit of trouble on the plane during the second streach after we landed in Montreal. I was stuck in that seat for like 6 or more hours total and I was begining to sweat and get hot because the air conditioning on the plane sucked donkey balls (pardon my french). But I was able to get lots of ice water and I pressed my face up against the glass which was kind of cold. But all in all, travelling with Air Canada was not a pleasent experiance. Mind you it could have been worse, much worse. I'm none the worse for ware however, so I'll continue on. More to follow.

For more details about the trip itself, see windamongthereeds.

Vacation

Current Meds:
1. Prednisone (20mg for one week)
2. Citalopram 10mg once daily
3. Lorazepam 1mg at bedtime

Current Symptoms
Physical: None
Sensory: Optic neuritis in left eye (on the mend)
Psychological (memory/mood): none
Medication side effect?: none

Being on the lower dose of Prednisone is much better. My heart rate has come back to normal and my moods seem more stable now. In another week I'm going to see if I can start getting back into shape. And when my vision returns 100% I'll start biking again. Judo will get a boost as well after my vacation. Hopefully I'll get a little training in while I'm away and coming home and starting back into everything won't be a shock to my system.

I'm looking forward to some relax time on the west coast; get my thoughts in order, come back stronger than ever. Looking forward to some spiritual time out there in the altitudes and the ocean. I've needed this for so long, but now it seems more right than ever. I'm going to miss my wonderful girlfriend but such is life, I need to go, there is no stopping that.

I'm going to need a good rest tomorrow. Travelling will be long and difficult for me I think, especially with fatigue and vision problems. I had hoped that my blindness would have healed by now but it looks like it may be around a few more weeks. I'll have to remember the smells and sounds of BC and wait until I see the pictures to see how beautiful everything was. I have miles to go before I sleep tonight, so I'm cutting my update short...

I will update on the road as much as I can.

Onwards....

The day after the party

Current Meds:
1. Prednisone (20mg for one week)
2. Citalopram 10mg once daily
3. Lorazepam 1mg at bedtime

Current Symptoms
Physical: Trembling in left hand
Sensory: Optic neuritis in left eye (on the mend)
Psychological (memory/mood): none
Medication side effect?: slightly elevated pulse

Being on the lower dose of Prednisone is way, way, way, better. I feel a lot more stable.

I had a great time at my party last night. I wrapped it up around 1:00 am. (Can't party like I don't have MS ;) Everyone who was there pretty much understood that I needed the sleep. Even still, I didn't get quite enough and I had a trembling hand last all morning and into the afternoon. I think that will go away with some sleep. When ever I don't get much sleep, little tingles and pulses seem to come about like that in my left hand usually, sometimes my face or leg too, always on the left side. Must be some old nerve damage. But staying healthy and well rested keeps that under control.

Last night was worth the little tremors. Everyone was awesome. I got lots of cool gifts though I didn't want them. I just wanted everyone to leave happy and positive. I made sure everyone was fed, had drinks, even though I didn't drink a single thing. We had a great jam session and I proved that MS isn't going to stop me from being the musician that I am. We had such a great time. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. That surely wasn't the last time I do a shin-dig like that. Thanks to everyone who came out!!

Wonderful to know I have your friendship and love and support! Thank you!!

Reduced meds / Party day

Current Meds:
1. Prednisone (20mg for one week)
2. Citalopram 10mg once daily
3. Lorazepam 1mg at bedtime

Current Symptoms
Physical: none
Sensory: Optic neuritis in left eye
Psychological (memory/mood): none
Medication side effect?: elevated pulse

Instead of dropping right down to 4 pills from 12, I decided to take 8 today because I didn't want to have a bad withdrawl on my birthday. I'll save that for tomorrow. It's a big drop in dosage and I was affraid so I just divided it up since I had tons of pills left. I think they over prescribed them or something, not sure really.

That being said, I feel much better today than I have in weeks. I pushed myself a little too hard at Judo last night. It really felt good to break a sweat like that. I need to do that more often now that my pill dosage is coming down. I miss running the most. No, I lied, I miss fighting at Judo the most. Soon I will be able to continue my training full time and find an exercise program that suits my new lifestyle in the making.

I have a lot of prep work to do today so I can't get into anything profound today. But something is brewing in my brain. I promise something interesting is coming very soon. Good thoughts, positive outlook! Good days ahead! Happy birthday me! :)

Returning

Current Meds:
1. Prednisone (12 tablets {60mg} in morning for 2 weeks then 4 tablets {20mg})
2. Citalopram 10mg once daily
3. Lorazepam 1mg at bedtime

Current Symptoms
Physical: none
Sensory: Optic neuritis in left eye
Psychological (memory/mood): none
Medication side effect?: rapid pulse, restless

My sight is getting slightly better day by day. I'm not worried about it anymore. I went from being blind a few days ago to seeing shapes for the first time in weeks. Mind you there are no colors in that eye yet and I still have a huge blind spot in the centre of my field of vision. People look like ghosts in that eye. But just for an expirment, I walked around the block with my good eye closed just to see if I could guide myself with my blind eye. What a window on the world that was. Everything looked different but I sort of recognized where I was and was able to make it home again. That gave me tons to smile about.

I don't know what to make of this new pain I'm feeling today. In the last few weeks my knees have become increasingly sore and painful in the joints. That's new for me as my knees where always pretty strong. Taichi seemed to actually aggravate them a little rather than helping like it normally does. I chalked that up to not stretching before hand.

Today was the last day I take 12 Prednisone with my breakfast. Thank god. Not a day too soon. Tomorrow I lower my dose and see what happens. It's quite a heavy step down. I hope I don't react to that in a bad way. My body has finally gotten used to taking so much steriods. Withdrawl would be bad I think. All I can do is follow the doctors orders. Hope they know what they are doing.

The weather has been good to me today. I feel really alive today. It is very cool out and a little rainy. I feel like I could actually go out jogging or something. I won't just in case that's a bad idea. Doctor Dorar told me to go for walks instead. I'll just go for a much longer walk and try a small workout at home today. I need to do something to feel like I'm not going to gain 1000lbs. I've had two really good days in a row. Things are looking up. If only my eyesight would come back a little sooner. I've learned a lot about patience with this ON. Day by day, one step at a time. Here we go, moving forward!

Exercise

Current Meds:
1. Prednisone (12 tablets {60mg} in morning for 2 weeks then 4 tablets {20mg})
2. Citalopram 10mg once daily
3. Lorazepam 1mg at bedtime
4. Tylonol 500mg

Current Symptoms
Physical: fatigue
Sensory: Optic neuritis in left eye
Psychological (memory/mood): none
Medication side effect?: rapid/pounding pulse, palpatations, headache

Before I get into my topic today I want to say that after judo yesterday I was feeling a bit up. I came home and couldn't seem to quite myself down at all. I began having heart palpatations around 11:00, which became rather annoying. But I stayed calm mentally and began some muscle relaxation exercises that my therapist taught me. And in about 25 min I was fine and sleeping soundly. Amazing technique, I do it twice a day now. Once in the morning after I water my garden and once just before bed. Really helps you control your mind and body. Waiting for the generalization effect to take hold and prevent more episodes like that.

So, here's my dilemma: I love to sweat; allow me to emphasise--I LOVE TO SWEAT. I love working out. I love lifting a little too much weight, pushing a little too hard. I love the burn. I love running until exhaustion and collapsing on the ground in agony. I love to be a workhorse. Problem: MS... overheating is a bad thing. Can cause lots of suffering that is completely unnesessary. Solution? I have no idea. I have 100 questions written down that I intend to get answers for from Dr. Leckey. I need to work out. It's a mental thing. I havn't been able to do anything workout worthy for me in a long time and its starting to grow on my mind, "will I ever get back my 'normal?'"

That being said, not knowing if I can work out like I used to yet there are some things that I do that won't change and may actually improve my MS situation. For example: TaiChi.

Here's some research a friend sent me on TaiChi and MS:

An 8-week Tai Chi program was conducted to explore the benefits for those with multiple sclerosis. 19 patients with multiple sclerosis took part in this experiment.The results showed that walking speed increased by 21%. Tai Chi also increased the flexibility of the hamstring muscle by 28%. The MS patients also had improvements in energy, social interaction, mental health, and ability to carry their daily duties.----------
Most notably, t'ai chi has been found to be beneficial for improving walking steadiness in several studies in the elderly. In one study of 200 people, the risk of falls decreased by nearly 50 percent. Some of the effects of t'ai chi on walking may be due to increased confidence and decreased fear of falling. Research studies have found that t'ai chi also increases strength and flexibility. It may improve heart and lung function and decrease heart rate and blood pressure; it also may have a positive effect on mental function. There is limited evidence that t'ai chi improves depression, anxiety, fatigue, and confusion.
T'ai chi does not generally pose any known significant health risk. It could potentially worsen fatigue in people with MS. Also, walking unsteadiness and sensitivity to overheating may require modifications in technique. There is one report of a person with MS in whom t'ai chi provoked electrical sensations in the arms and back (known as Lhermitte's sign).

T'ai chi is a low-risk, low-moderate cost therapy. It may increase walking ability, decrease stiffness, and improve social and emotional functioning. Studies on other conditions indicate that t'ai chi increases strength and may improve fatigue, depression, and anxiety. For people with MS who have disabilities that prevent using strenuous exercise programs, t'ai chi may be a gentle way to obtain some of the general health benefits of a vigorous workout.

Thanks Lonnie!

I've been doing TaiChi about 3 years now I guess. I had a brief lull in the middle but I am actively pursuing my reemergence into the exercises. The benefits have always been there and now I have an even greater excuse to continue my studies in this discipline. Not to mention the cross-training helps my Judo!!

Dealing with Fatigue

SO I found a way to deal with fatigue: Ice cold shower. I never thought I would love one of those but whoa it's like a bolt of energy surging through your veins when you get out. Awesome. Really helps on the hotter days to fight off that sulggish feeling that is intensified by the MS and the meds. Just passing it on. :) I'm actually going to enjoy today now! :)

Slow news day

Current Meds:
1. Prednisone (12 tablets {60mg} in morning for 2 weeks then 4 tablets {20mg})
2. Citalopram 10mg once daily
3. Lorazepam 1mg at bedtime

Current Symptoms
Physical: fatigue
Sensory: Optic neuritis in left eye
Psychological (memory/mood): none
Medication side effect?: rapid/pounding pulse

Nothing really to report today. I'm really tired from the work I did yesterday. It's so hot outside I am considering going swimming later after I get a nap. I was up at 7am today, way to early for me. Just fighting the heat, the fatigue, and the bordom until Judo tonight. Hopefully something interesting will happen today.

Nothings changed really since yesterday, except my headache is gone. This is a good thing.

How to handle doctors...

Current Meds:
1. Prednisone (12 tablets {60mg} in morning for 2 weeks then 4 tablets {20mg})
2. Citalopram 10mg once daily
3. Lorazepam 1mg at bedtime
4. Tylonol 1000mg

Current Symptoms
Physical: none
Sensory: Optic neuritis in left eye
Psychological (memory/mood): none
Medication side effect?: rapid/pounding pulse, migrane headache

Today is not a bad day. I didn't get much sleep but that didn't stop me from getting out and taking care of business. I hope I feel as good tomorrow. The last two nights have been very unforgiving--my head has hurt so much, I think from the meds and the new glasses, that I was almost in tears last night. I needed to take two extra strentgh tylonol and that didn't do a damn thing really. But the morning and the day have been good to me.

I talked with a friend today whose sister has MS and I learned some valuable information about managing doctors. As anyone who is newly diagnosed with MS will tell you, these days a doctor's favorite respite to any ailments of his patient that he can't get to the bottom of is "go see a shrink." Batteling it out with doctors is all part of the MS process. Hey, they can't fix you, nothing can, but there are things you need to consider in case of making your life worse than it has to be. When you are in tune with your body you know when something is wrong, you don't need a doctor to tell you. Here's how to avoid pesky trips to the hospital while trying to find out what is wrong with you:

Step one: the truth is, doctor's are people like everyone else, find a good one, and don't play doctor hopping. Find one that is good, this may take time, and build up a history with them. Above all things when looking... make sure he or she is human. Some doctors act more like machines than people and have a tendancy to treat you like one as well. Why? Because we come to them with problems and expect them to fix us or make us better. In the best of circumstances, they want to do just that for us. The result is quick diagnosis and an unresearched hypothesis that never pans out into further testing, and your going home with pills for Minear's disease for your "inner ear" infection that dosen't exist. Stay away from "pill" doctors. Get second opinions, third's, forth's... if necessary. Don't let them talk you into psychotherapy when they can't find anything physical, that's the last resort but it seems today a good number of doctor's use this as their first.

Step two: The best thing you can do if you think you have a chronic illness is chronical it. Document every little thing. Don't feel like your complaining. These little "complaints" could mean somthing significant to the doctor who puts the puzzle together. Keep detailed records of everything that happens to you: date, time, what was going on before it happend, how you are feeling before and during the incident, what made it feel better, what made it go away, etc... everything. When you go to see you doctor you can open your book and say "there, that's the last time that happened to me, 4:00pm monday, august 28, 1997." These detials seem trivial but are so important to an attentive doctor and they will appreicate the effort.

In the long term, records like that may also help control your disease. Knowing your limits, physically, emotionally, and psychologically will enable you to know when to stop, or walk away from the heated debate, take a break, seek solitude, etc, to help control your symptoms. Knowing your body is key, and a good note book is the best course of action.

This has been my hat-tip on journals! :) A very useful tool for helping you and your doctor arrive at proper treatments options that are in the best interest for you.

Better Day / Optic Neuritis

Current Meds:
1. Prednisone (12 tablets {60mg} in morning for 2 weeks then 4 tablets {20mg})
2. Citalopram 10mg once daily
3. Lorazepam 1mg at bedtime

Current Symptoms
Physical: fatigue
Sensory: Optic neuritis in left eye
Psychological (memory/mood): low
Medication side effect?: rapid/pounding pulse

After some sleep I am feeling much better. Just needed to rest a lot. Thanks to everyone who has been leaving comments. Continue to do so I enjoy reading them; they pick me up a bit during the day.

I did some research on my Optic Neuritis (ON) just because it is driving me through Dante's levels of hell in my mind. Here's what I have discovered:

Optic neuritis is inflammation or demyelination of the optic nerve—the nerve that transmits light and visual images from the retina to the brain. Because the nerve is located behind ("retro") the globe of the eye, the condition is also known as retrobulbar neuritis.
It has been estimated that about 55% of people with MS will have an episode of optic neuritis. Frequently, it is the first symptom of MS.

Optic neuritis is generally experienced as an acute blurring, graying, or loss of vision, most often in only one eye. It is rare that both eyes are affected at the same time. There may or may not be pain in the affected eye. Loss of vision usually reaches its maximum extent within a few days, and generally improves within 4 to 12 weeks without treatment.

Recent studies suggest that a short course of methylprednisolone (which is what I was on last week for 3 days--ouch my hand!) administered intravenously, sometimes followed by a tapered course of oral steroids may be useful in helping to reverse the inflammation and restore vision more quickly. There is, however, no definitive evidence that treatment with steroids produces a more complete recovery than that which would have happened without treatment.

So basically... 4 to 12 weeks... 2 down for sure... 2 to 10 to go... I may be blind all summer. I can handle that as long as it WILL clear up. I have a fear of being blind, I depend so much on my sight for my visual arts in the theatre. Plus I just enjoy seeing. Sight is such a great gift I've taken for granted on so many occasions in my life. If you can see, enjoy it, take it all in, you never know when you might loose that gift. I had a nack for finding pretty and interesting things with my eyes, it will be back soon, I'm sure.

That just reminded me how long its been since my vision has been clear. The last moment of clarity I remember was driving to North Sydney with my girlfriend. My vision suddenly cleared for 5 min and I remember seeing things so beautifully--I cried happy tears for my restored vision, then it left again, and problems ever since. I looked at some old writing of mine, I've been having vision problems since April, no wonder I'm tired of this. I can't believe it has been that long. I can't wait to get this under control. I miss being able to do things. Soon, hopefully, soon.

A strong day ahead. Feeling good. Beautiful sunshine on my face!

Bad Day/ side effects

Current Meds:
1. Prednisone (12 tablets {60mg} in morning for 2 weeks then 4 tablets {20mg})
2. Citalopram 10mg once daily
3. Lorazepam 1mg at bedtime
4. Acetaminophen 500mg

Current Symptoms
Physical: major fatigue and weakness in legs
Sensory: Optic neuritis in left eye
Psychological (memory/mood): low, a bit depressed
Medication side effect?: rapid/pounding pulse, loopy, major headache behind eyes

Today was the worse day since diagnosis. My medication is killing me. I still have a pretty nasty bruise on my hand also from the IV over a week ago. The meds are worse than the disease I think. My heart was hard to control today and my head feels like its going to explode. I still have tons more of the Prednisone to take and I just don't want to. I was thinking of lowering my dose by two pills just to see if that will help. Today was almost unbarable. I almost didn't put in this update. My head is throbbing. The Acetaminophen tablet barely helps but I dare not risk putting any more poison into my system. I rarely take pain meds for anything but tonight I just had to.

I had a few panic like symptoms haunt me as well. I'm a bit concerned about my heart rate. I think I just might need some extra sleep. I was up way to early today and maybe that's what's causing all my problems. Once I get up in the morning I never get back to sleep and I've been up yesterday and today at 6:30 am or so. I must sleep in a bit tomorrow.

I'm a bit concerned about my left eye. My vision hasn't improved and it is beginning to worry me. It was difficult to stay as positive today as I have been in days past because of the pain I am in today. The fear has overcome me as well and I'm on the verge of panic today. I was debating going to the hospital for advice but I decided to weather this out and call my doctor on Monday and see if I can get in to him this week before my vacation or maybe I'll just call the MS clinic Monday morning if I am still in the same state.

Hopefully this will all be fine tomorrow after a good nights sleep. Well, I best be off to that.

Signs and Symptoms

Current Meds:
1. Prednisone (12 tablets {60mg} in morning for 2 weeks then 4 tablets {20mg})
2. Citalopram 10mg once daily
3. Lorazepam 1mg at bedtime

Current Symptoms
Physical: fatigue
Sensory: Optic neuritis in left eye
Psychological (memory/mood): none
Medication side effect?: rapid pulse, uppity, headache

A question was struck to me a few days ago about what I could expect to happen from my MS. Besides the obvious, blind in left eye, nasty bruse on left hand where IV was and being fatigued, I thought I would get into a more detailed rant about what an MS patient can expect, what not to expect, and how to manage what is to come.

The real expectation is this, symptoms vary, there is no way of predicting the course of the disease. It is a bit like sailing with only an unexplored map and a compass with no up to date weather information or GPS tracking; a storm could roll up anytime and knock your ship off course, leaving your sails flapping in the breeze. With treatment, however, there is a chance you could learn to tie tighter knots in your riggings and weather the storms with a steady hand and an even keel, leading to peacefull seas of tranquillity in between the tempest cycles.

While these symptoms vary in intensity, they are also random. Everyone with MS experiances the effects of the disease in a different way. These symptoms are not a guide to what will happen or even what could, they are just what most people commonly experience. Knowing what can happen and how to manage it is key to making it through the rough seas ahead.

I'll begin by listing the symptoms I have personally experianced in chronological order followed by a short description then move on to the other symptoms I have no first hand knowledge of.

Numbness and tingling - the first symptom I had about 5 years ago. I had what felt like little seizures in my left leg, arm and face that lasted for 3 days. Numbness and tingling can last from days to weeks and may also be accompanied with a prickling or burning feeling in areas of the body.

Weakness - MS may cause loss of strength in the arms, legs, and face, as it did to me where I got the numbness. The degree of weakness is variable. It may be that you could have trouble walking a far distance that you could normally cover or you could go limp in certain muscles, it depends on a situational basis.

Fatigue - by far the most devastating effect on me is fatigue. It is a hard thing to fight. MS fatigue is probably realted to physical weakness. Fatigue varies from feeling tired after a full night's sleep to physical exhaustion in the middle of the day. Very common symptom for a lot of MS patients.

Unsteadiness and dizziness: this was the most distressing symptom for me, even more than the left side paralysis. I had spinning sensations and vertigo for about 3 weeks, it was fairly severe.

Double Vision - this lasted about 2 weeks, images appeared side by side or on top of one another. For this symptom to apply to MS it has to last for days to weeks.

Loss of vision - As the current state of my left eye, the optic nerve from your eye to your brain becomes inflamed (optic neuritis). Loss of vision has to be for days or weeks to be attributed to MS.

Depression - I went through a serious bout of depression about a month ago. It is commonly expected that people with MS may experience depression at some time in the illness.

That brings us up to date for my symptoms. What else is possible?

Pain - a common symptom that can appear in many varieties. Some type of pain are only mildly irritating while others are more severe. It's not always easy to distinguish MS pain from other causes.

Shaking and loss of coordination - can cause problems walking, handwriting, talking, or swallowing food. (I may have had some trouble with my left hand shaking at times.)

Bladder and Bowel Problems - These may include constipation and an increased need to urinate. Rarely incontinence is also a problem.

Unusual Physical Sensations - such as numbness, or a tingling electric feeling caused by bending the neck, known as Lhermitte's sign, is common in MS. (May have had this on occasion as well.)

Cognitive changes - Short-term memory loss and difficulty putting thoughts into words, trouble concentrating or paying attention.

Speech problems - slur words or talk more slowly and/or have trouble swallowing.

Sexual side effects - In men, difficulty maintaining or acheiving an erection, in women, personal dryness and in both, decrese in sex drive and desirability.

2 important things to remember:
1- there is no definate course of MS, symptoms vary in frequency and severity from case to case.
2- MS symptoms are hard to diagnose as MS symptoms because there is a large list of causes for most of these symptoms. It is important to rule out other possibilities first.

The most important thing to remember is not to expect anything. Don't dwell on what can happen. What will happen will happen, it can't be predicted or controlled any more than it is. Knowing that things are likely to happen does not mean that it will. A lot of MS patients live full, productive lives and continue to do many of the things they enjoyed in life before their diagnosis. Myself included. See you on the Judo mat!!!