Friday, June 22, 2007


Remember when life was simple? When good and evil existed? When there was the right thing to do and the wrong thing to do? The right things to say and the wrong things to say? For me, that was all before Derrida.

But in my state of humanity (which I seem, for the time being at least, locked into with none but one unthinkable escape), I constantly try to get back to that "golden age." To when things could be settled with a type of duality that really only makes sense to children and American voters. And as I'm neither an American voter nor a child, looking at life through the bifocals of duality is not an option. Never the less, I have crafted a thought. Well, more like condensed something complex into something simpler.

I used to believe that there are people who want to help you and people who want to hinder you. Then I grew up. And now I see that there are people who hurt you and people who help you. All I had to do was take out their intentions.

But Doug, sometimes people DO want to hurt you or help you. Yes. Sometimes. Not all the time. What I'm driving at here is this: there are people in the world who hurt us, thinking that they are helping and the vice versa, people who help us thinking that they are hurting us and everything in between. Furthermore, to the meat of the argument, sometimes the people who hurt you are the same people who help you, and those who help, hurt you. It does me no good to lump people into one category or the other. And it makes it easier to forgive those who've wronged me in the past.

By this I mean, I realize there is no certainty, especially where it concerns people. People do all kinds of strange things with no justification and my own perception of anther's motivation is always going to be suspect if I group people into categories of "hurts me" or "helps me." It allows me to be taken advantage of and it allows me to take advantage, like some god-damned opportunist. This is not who I am or what I want to be. The bottom line is both groups have the potential to do both actions.

So unless you are a complete and total screw up in life, it's impossible for me to hold a grudge. Your intentions toward me, as well as my own perception of your intentions are useless in the end. The only thing I can control with 100% certainty are my own intentions.

If all I want in life is to be happy, then I make adjustments to that end. Simple.

So summery: Good/Bad? No. Good=Bad/Bad=Good? Yes.
Always forgiveness? Yes. Unless trespasser psychotic.


Thursday, June 21, 2007

Quick Update

I'm not sure if I'm going to spell this right, but I have a reiki session scheduled for the 30th of June. I don't buy into it. But my friends do. It can't do me any harm so what the hell. Stranger things have happened.

I find staying fit and eating right, getting the proper amount of rest and exercise pretty much keeps this disease in control. And any slight problems I have I deal with. I don't let it get me down and I stay positive. And in this way, I've been able to stay off my Rebif for near 8 months now and they were the best 8 months of my life.

Still, I have been neglecting modern medicine. I've not scheduled the appointments I need nor taken the medication prescribed to me and I refuse to go to the hospital for treatment when needed. Somehow, I feel stronger and more alive than ever with no side effects. I'm thinking about just getting a physical to make sure everything is in order, to put an end to questions lingering. But I really do feel fine.

I made it to Taiji on Tuesday and I did 40 min of group meditation, which was just what I needed. I felt at peace and full of love after it was done. It was beautiful. Spirit=cleansed. Mind=mostly cleansed. Body=cleansed. I'm near as healthy as I can be.