Monday, October 31, 2005

Day 1 Cake Sale

I am so exhausted. But my hard work has paid off. With the help of a few friends, I was able to raise $614 today for MS research. With four more days to go, I can't help wondering how much more I'm going to raise. We'll see what the rest of the week has to offer.

Now, if I can find time to do homework this week before I go away on the weekend. :S sheesh... I'm so tired right now and can hardly stay on here long enough to finish this post.

Thanks everyone. Keep up the spirits and the positive attitude. Let's keep trucking!!!!

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Feeling new

Current Meds:
1. Rebif injection 3 times a week (M W F)
2. Tylonol (With Rebif shot and as needed)
3. Citalopram 10mg
4. Adovan (When needed only)

Current Symptoms
Physical: slight fatigue/tremors after exertion
Sensory: Optic neuritis (left eye), blurred vision
Psychological (memory/mood): none
Medication side effect?: slight headache, tiredness

I woke up this morning and felt pretty good. This is the first time I can remember in a long time that I felt like doing something physical after waking!! :) I did some light streatches and some standing meditation. It was nice. And now I feel confident enough to go to the gym today and start back at a regular workout. 3 times a week I'm going to the gym to get myself back to my regular state of living. Enough is enough. Tremors and blurred vision and blindness aside--it takes a heck of a lot more than that to stop me.

Come at me with what you got!

Needles can't stop me. Pain cna't stop me. Medication can't stop me. My out of shapeness can't stop me.

This is a tough opponant, my toughest yet. I repeat:


You're gonna get hit, you're gonna get knocked out!
You're gonna feel it, this is the ultimate!

Fight song of the modern warrior!

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Update: Vision and Cakes

Almost ready to start my fundraising next week, just putting a schedule together. I'm post some more in depth info about that later this week.

My vision is giving me a lot of problems so I'll keep this short. My eyes are really sore. It's been interfering with my school work and stuff. I hope to get a lot of sleep tonight and maybe stay home from class until I'm feeling better. I still feel a little bit dizzy too. My cold is hanging on, annoying thing that it is--it is not helping me any. I feel so out of shape and un-fit. I hope to feel better soon so I can start revisiting the gym and the dojo. Anyway, that is all.

To all the volunteers: make sure you send me your schedules ASAP! Thanks!! :)

Thursday, October 20, 2005


I made it into judo class tonight. It was really hard. I am very, very, very, out of shape and it is really obvious. I hardly did anything and I was winded. And I mean WINDED, like sucking more air than my neighbors industrial vacuum cleaner that is louder than a jet engine. But I'm glad I went. The first hard throw I took on my back shook loose all the fluid in my lungs and I had a coughing fit. I actually enjoyed that. It's been a while. My balance and vision is really bad. That makes doing a sport where one is essential and the other very important very frustrating. I really need some coaching in patience.

Being active again is very important to me. But I'm such a perfectionist that if I'm not 100% I feel like I'm only trying and not actually doing. That's just the way I am and it's not going to change. So I don't really know if there is a solution to this. I'm not very good at giving my self a break or cutting me any slack. I demand that my body move and feel good, but it just isn't so and I'm very pissed off about that but there is nothing I can do except show up and do what I can. It is not as much as I want to give, not by a long shot, but it's all I can do until I am in good health and my doctor clears me to fight. A long road ahead... a long road. One step at a time.

Had a good time fighting Charlene though! Always great. Cheers.

*click* *clop* *click* *clop* *click* *clop* *click* *clop*

Monday, October 17, 2005

October 17th 2005

Current Meds:
1. Rebif injection 3 times a week (M W F)
2. Tylonol (With Rebif shot and as needed)
3. Citalopram 10mg
4. Adovan (When needed only)

Current Symptoms
Physical: Dizzyness, fatigue, tired legs
Sensory: Optic neuritis (left eye), blurred vision
Psychological (memory/mood): slight short term memory loss
Medication side effect?: flu-like symptoms (Fever, chills, headache, muscle pains/cramping)

I didn't get a full night's sleep last night and I paid for it today. I stepped off the elevator in CC today with Dee and I almost fell down. Later, travelling through the library, I noticed I had trouble focusing on the ISBN numbers on the books. It was a strange feeling. It was the first time I had really noticed how bad my vision is. It's funny that it took this long for me to get into the library this year. I waited way to long to get started on this paper. I'm so slack this year. I guess I have an excuse though, really.

I've been so exhausted today. I can't remember what it is like to have energy. I miss judo but at the same time I question whether or not I could even fit that into my day as it is. I'm having doubts. :(

I started organizing a fundraiser at the university for MS research. It's going through Carl, in town here. I will be selling cakes in a tin and other goodies during the week of Oct. 31 to Nov. 4. I am currently looking for volunteers to the help me at the table. Of course, anyone else who wants to support can support you don't need to wait until I get to the college. As soon as I get the order forms I'll begin my campagin.

Rehearsal was interesting today. I'm off book way ahead of schedule. I didn't have the energy to go in tonight but I forced myself to go in. Jessi came with me. Need support. Once I got on the stage I was set. It's funny how that does that. But of course as soon as you get off, zonk! You realize you have been going on empty for far too long, even without MS it is like that. But I am always glad I went.

I bring that up because I assume judo would be much the same. Once I can get myself there and working out, I should be fine for energy. It's just the mental game now: will I feel guilty if I go and not spend time on my homework which I have been ignoring way too much? Hopefully I can find the energy this week to make up for my lack of self discipline these last few weeks. And hopefully I won't feel too guilty about going to judo, or not guilty at all would be nice.


Sunday, October 16, 2005

Feeling better

I woke up this morning and I was feeling better. I still have tons of phlegm which is not so enjoyable, but it's better than being sick. As soon as I'm better I'm going to get a flu shot. God knows, I don't need the flu on top of all this. Especially with so much theatre this year. Must keep myself healthy.

So on that note, I have seen my nutritionist. She gave me enough information to sift through. Wow. She dug through sports nutrition at my request and gave me her findings. I'm really hopeing to get into a healthier lifestyle. Not that I was really unhealthy before, just want to improve a little. Get a little stronger. Besides, I think my mind is falling apart without my physical health. Its been almost 6 months since I felt 100%. Getting a little frustrated with myself.

But the cold has just about run its course so I can maybe get back to the gym and judo which would do wonders for my mind.

Monday, October 10, 2005


I'm coming down with something. This is the downside to living with family. They bring their diseases into the house and there is no way to avoid them. Especially when an immune system disease. Time to get a flu shot methinks.

I'm worried about taking my medication because it gives me flu like symptoms which can only make my cold worse and vice versa--the cold can make my reaction worse as well I think. Should be an interesting experiment.

I'm up for being a test subject but now is not the best time. Midterms. I'm falling behind on my readings and I have to drop a course this week (but that's ok, I figured for it at the start of the year, I thought I'd be able to do it, it looked fun but now it's too much work).

Perhaps when this cold is through with me I'll be feeling good enough to start exercising again and make a return to my much loved and not forgotten judo classes. I feel like I really need to get on the mat again. This year is so not fair to me in that respect. I was just getting good at something. I will again... Just need time.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Rebif Side Effects

Current Meds:
1. Rebif injection 3 times a week (M W F)
2. Tylonol (With Rebif shot and as needed)
3. Citalopram 10mg
4. Adovan (When needed)

Current Symptoms
Physical: not too much beyond fatigue
Sensory: Optic neuritis in left eye
Psychological (memory/mood): not too bad
Medication side effect?: flu-like stuff.

I woke up this morning and I couldn't move. Actually the first time I woke up was at about 3:30 am. When my alarm went off it was a struggle to get to it. I couldn't move. I was kind of scared. I was so sore and in a lot of pain and I just couldn't keep my eyes open. As soon as I got to the alarm and turned it off I feel asleep again. I wasn't able to get up until about noon, after I had missed my morning class and my UP class that I was supposed to teach. I hope my students just figured I wasn't coming after about 10 minutes, cuz I couldn't even get to a phone to call someone to tell them. That made me think I should get a longer pone cord and get it into my room next to my bed in case I need help like that again.

I'm almost feeling better now. That was a wicked reaction today. I'm wondering when my body will adjust to this stuff. Sooner than later would be good.

Dr. Dorar signed my forms today for disability (where it concerns my student loans). Hopefully that will go through, and they will get back to me with grant money very soon.

Dr. Cristian wants to try a different drug, a more pure form of Celexa. He thinks it may help me more as it is more powerful yet has less side effects. This is due to when I tried to raise my dose of Celexa and I didn't react to well to it so I went back to my regular dose. He said we can try this at my convience so as to not disrupt my work or anything (as quality of life is the most important thing and I'm more or less at a stable point in my life for now). He said exercise would help too but I haven't been able to get to Judo because of the side effects of Rebif and I don't have much time at school to work in the gym yet. I want to feel a little stronger before I start something like that. Perhaps next week. *Crosses fingers*

So far, that is the story of my day, in bed for most of it, being sick and shivering all morning (I still have a slight fever, I think), feeling gravity pull me into my bed. The trick now is to try and get some reading done without falling asleep.

Cheers. :)

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

MS Cakes

New news!

I will be doing some fundrasing soon, selling cakes to support MS research. More info will be posted when I have it.

Finally, an end worthy of my persuits.

I have a really great story (well, a rather sad story) to write later as well.

More when I have time and info.