Triumph

I made it into judo class tonight. It was really hard. I am very, very, very, out of shape and it is really obvious. I hardly did anything and I was winded. And I mean WINDED, like sucking more air than my neighbors industrial vacuum cleaner that is louder than a jet engine. But I'm glad I went. The first hard throw I took on my back shook loose all the fluid in my lungs and I had a coughing fit. I actually enjoyed that. It's been a while. My balance and vision is really bad. That makes doing a sport where one is essential and the other very important very frustrating. I really need some coaching in patience.

Being active again is very important to me. But I'm such a perfectionist that if I'm not 100% I feel like I'm only trying and not actually doing. That's just the way I am and it's not going to change. So I don't really know if there is a solution to this. I'm not very good at giving my self a break or cutting me any slack. I demand that my body move and feel good, but it just isn't so and I'm very pissed off about that but there is nothing I can do except show up and do what I can. It is not as much as I want to give, not by a long shot, but it's all I can do until I am in good health and my doctor clears me to fight. A long road ahead... a long road. One step at a time.

Had a good time fighting Charlene though! Always great. Cheers.


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