Here's what's happening

Today is what I would call a "bad day" or "one of those days." It actually started last night around 11:00pm. I became extreamly tired and began feeling like I was nodding off. I put down what I was reading and tried to watch a little TV before bed. I kept getting the sensation like I was falling through my bed. I kept trying to self talk myself out of panic mode. I thought maybe it was the medication increase that was doing this. Anway, I kept at it until I finally just got out of bed at 1:00 am. I kept trying to tell myself I wasn't going to die, don't be foolish. But I rarely listen to myself.

I have no idea what spurned all this but I'll tell ya, today isn't much better. So here's the skinny:

I feel very weak in the muscles, especially legs and left arm. My eyesight is giving me trouble and I feel a little dizzy. And of course I am very tired.

Possiblities: 1. medication side effect
2. Relapse - having a MS attack
3. Losing my mind

While 3 dosen't seem like much of a possibility, 2 certainly is and I'm hoping it's only 1.

I missed school today because of this. I wonder if stress brings this on. I'm totally worried about my student loans. The papers havn't come yet in the mail and I need to get on this right away before too long. Money so stresses me out.

The course load isn't so bad, I mean I'm handling it ok.

I know I'm not getting enough exercise but I was going to start a remedy for that today until all this happened.

I went up for bloodwork and to reschedule my missed appointment with Jean, but both the lab and her office were closed. Perfect. They knew I was coming.

What I'm doing about it all:
Well, I'm going to continue to do as much work as I can in the mean time. I'm going to make an appointment to see Dr. Leckey ASAP. I'm going to take it easy and try not to panic. I felt so good on sunday (well not physically but I was pretty up in spirit) it's hard to place how I am now--this is all so sudden. But I guess that's the way MS works.

I can sit here and type all day how this is effecting me but what I really need is to get past it all so I can get back to "life" out there in the real world. Interesting... when did my disease become a part of an imaginary life. I think I need to work on that. Hasn't this thing been brought into my mainstream life yet? How long will that take? Sometimes I feel it slipping out, other times it is a part of who I am and I am comfortable with it all. Today, not so much.