Monday, October 17, 2005

October 17th 2005

Current Meds:
1. Rebif injection 3 times a week (M W F)
2. Tylonol (With Rebif shot and as needed)
3. Citalopram 10mg
4. Adovan (When needed only)

Current Symptoms
Physical: Dizzyness, fatigue, tired legs
Sensory: Optic neuritis (left eye), blurred vision
Psychological (memory/mood): slight short term memory loss
Medication side effect?: flu-like symptoms (Fever, chills, headache, muscle pains/cramping)

I didn't get a full night's sleep last night and I paid for it today. I stepped off the elevator in CC today with Dee and I almost fell down. Later, travelling through the library, I noticed I had trouble focusing on the ISBN numbers on the books. It was a strange feeling. It was the first time I had really noticed how bad my vision is. It's funny that it took this long for me to get into the library this year. I waited way to long to get started on this paper. I'm so slack this year. I guess I have an excuse though, really.

I've been so exhausted today. I can't remember what it is like to have energy. I miss judo but at the same time I question whether or not I could even fit that into my day as it is. I'm having doubts. :(

I started organizing a fundraiser at the university for MS research. It's going through Carl, in town here. I will be selling cakes in a tin and other goodies during the week of Oct. 31 to Nov. 4. I am currently looking for volunteers to the help me at the table. Of course, anyone else who wants to support can support you don't need to wait until I get to the college. As soon as I get the order forms I'll begin my campagin.

Rehearsal was interesting today. I'm off book way ahead of schedule. I didn't have the energy to go in tonight but I forced myself to go in. Jessi came with me. Need support. Once I got on the stage I was set. It's funny how that does that. But of course as soon as you get off, zonk! You realize you have been going on empty for far too long, even without MS it is like that. But I am always glad I went.

I bring that up because I assume judo would be much the same. Once I can get myself there and working out, I should be fine for energy. It's just the mental game now: will I feel guilty if I go and not spend time on my homework which I have been ignoring way too much? Hopefully I can find the energy this week to make up for my lack of self discipline these last few weeks. And hopefully I won't feel too guilty about going to judo, or not guilty at all would be nice.



At 12:08 AM, Blogger Scented Orchirds said...

wow!u'll be selling goodies?mail me some...i would love to buy them!

At 6:23 PM, Blogger Starving for Wisdom said...

Your drive is inspiring. Don't forget to be good to yourself and to just "be" sometimes too!

At 7:54 AM, Blogger dave said...

Good luck with the sale.
Hang in there with the fatique. Forcing yourself to go to things which you actually want ro do inspite of the tiredness may work out. I know I don't have to say it but be careful and don't over do it.

At 9:53 AM, Blogger Celeste said...

You NEED to go to judo and even though there are lots of other things you feel obligated or committed to doing, you can work on NOT being guilty for experiencing pleasure. Your physical and social and emotional health are all important and Judo helps to balance all those thing for you so it is probably most important. Be gentle...and by the way, don't EVER stop being the poet you are. We can use more people like you, studying and talking about Yeats and poetry and writing, etc., and fewer designing weapons of mass distruction or creating ways to legitimize the bombing of innocent people. POETS UNITE!


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