A day of lasts

Today is a day of lasts.

Today is the last time I have seen Jean. She's moved on to a better job and I'm going to spend a while awaiting her replacement to catch up and call me for an appointment. She was great. She helped me through a lot of difficult issues.

Today is my last dose of Celexa. It should take at least 2 weeks for it to completely leave my system. I've been feeling more in control since I cut down on it. So good for me. Yay.

And that's the last of my lasts. :)

Feeling good today. yay!

The horribleness of being me.

Aweful is how I describe my health. I am currently under constant duress from a nagging sinus condition which is inflamed again and I'm suffering from extreme headaches. Interfuron damage seems eminant as well, keep your fingers crossed there. I've been skipping alot of blood work sessions just because of not feeling good. I require copious amounts of sleep lately and I had a few lapses into depression this week (my appologies have already been made to the present parties during said replapses).

A growing number of concerns is keeping me from living to the fullest. I can only hope some alliviation of these horrible symptoms will occur presently, if not, soon please.

I had to begin using new needle sights as the wear and tear on my body from the needles is starting to show. Also of concern is that I have put on some unwanted weight in disturbing areas (well disturbing to me at least) and I am currently processing to many other nodes of information to work on my health and fitness regime although I am still gyming it up and Judo class is still a priority. My muscles are in constant pain and I havne't been able to walk very well for a few days. Some bouts of dizzyness attacks have left me questioning my sanity a few days ago but everything seems in order now.

I guess that is the update for now. Trying to get some work done is like pulling teeth, I'm so lack-luster and unproductive it is actually quite sad. I have to dig deep if I'm going to survive this term. Anyone want a 5 day old sinus headache/migrane?

Oops!

Quick incident report...

I was giving my injection tonight, site 6 (Left hip/buttock area), and something went wrong. It must have been the angle or the way I was sitting. I didn't even notice at first. I wasn't quite sure what had happended. It felt kind of funny going in and I pulled it out halfway by accident and had to jab it back in and switch hands while holding it so that I didn't miss any of the dose. After I pulled it out I noticted the needle as sevearley bent. I thought nothing of it until later when I looked at the cotton which was stuck to my skin via blood, too much blood, way too much blood. On closer inspection, I noticed that I had torn a horizontal opening in my skin with the needle. I have pressure on it and hopefully the bleeding will stop soon.

Go ahead, ask me if it hurts! lol

It's not that bad, actually. I figure the shower tomorrow is going to be nasty when the water gets on it but until then I'll be fine. lol

Another oops on the wall of mistakes. Lots of those there from last year. :) First one for this year though! This is my first big needle blunder. hahaha... More care is needed, I was getting lax in my method. No more of that! Now I know what happenes when your concentration slips. I will have to avoid that site for a few weeks which sucks becuase my skin is very irritated lately and this can only get worse with a site missing.

Peace.

Big Meeting

Had a meeting with Dr. Cristians today. It was like the longest wait, but whatever. We have a new plan of action for getting me healthy in spirit. I'm going to come off the Celexa and he gave me a prescription for a use as you need it drug to help me sleep at night (the trick being to find the smallest dose that will put me to sleep without giving me hangover effects.

He was really concerned about interferon reactions and interactions so this is really the best course of action. Plus my seritonin levels might return to normal--I've been uncharactically manic the last few weeks (sorry Jehy, and Shauna, and Ashley and whoever else that scared).

I'm going to keep a private mood journal to see where it is I stand with my over all mental health. The idea is to have as many good days out of 7 in a week as possible and improve the quality of life of this MS patient. A new year, a new treatment that may work towards peace in my soul, finally (which I had considered impossible all my life).

The bottom line is that I'm glad to be coming off those horrid medications that were doing not so good things to me. It's bad enough dealing with interferons. :)

Go me!

Monday Monday

It's injection night and I already have a seething headache. This is going to be fun.

Good note: I got back into the gym today. Did back and tri's. My favorite workout. Felt amazing. Glad to be back in the gym. Wonderful. :)

It's a classic Monday, what can I say.

Stupid head.

Fitness Check

Crazy like bananas is what I'd call my fitness plans for the new year. I have perfect time slots to work the gym at school this year and I'm going to make a concerted effort to attend Judo religiously until I feel like myself again on the mat. I took a really hard fall tonight, got up, shook it off and remembered how much I missed that feeling.

The after-Judo-buzz is the greatest feeling ever. All your core muscles are throbbing and your blood is pumping through your body and into your brain: there is no pain. My left hand always gets a little stiff afterwards but it's managable. I think it's more from gripping than from MS. After a Judo workout I feel centered in alot of ways. Physically I feel more stable than before I began, a plus indeed. I always feel stronger too as my back is swelling and my arms are ripping, my legs become pillars of might rooted in the earth yet as flexable and unpredictable as water. My mind, however, benifits the most. I feel alive yet relaxed. I begin to probe things mentally, and take every obsticle as a challange, testing it for weakness, cautiously assulting it's defences until I find my path to victory. This helps with schoolwork alot of times.

Judo gives me a life perspective. At its core is a philosophy for life; its princiapls are easy to apply once understood and promote positive well being for everything. Which lends credibility to my religious convictions as well. Everything is so connected and nothing I do is without purpose, no matter how incomprehensible it seems to others. There is reason behind much of what I do, but that reason stems from self training and relative life patterns. The better my mind, therefor, the better my body. I am as much the cloud in the sky as I am the ink in a word or the edge on a sword. But right and wrong are merely points of view, and totally incomprehensible. And so I leave this post with peace of mind and health on the forground.

Strengh and honor!