Finally

I finally got my bloodwork done. Sheesh. That was a long time coming. Feeling really good. Nothing to report health wise. Feeling a lot more in shape this week than last week. Must keep sailing and going to judo and taiji. Havn't been out running or biking much. Must get that going again too. That's all for now.

Worst night in while...

I got to sleep ok, but after about an hour or so, I woke up, shivering in a fever and couldn't get back to sleep. I lay in bed for god knows how long, totally awake and aware that I desperately need sleep to function but no matter what I try, can't get there. Take 2 extra strength tylonol, after 20 min, shaking stops. Can't sleep for another hour, sun will be up in a few minutes. Gus starts barking at nothing... and gus is loud, wakes the whole house up, he's spooked about something, still don't know what. I give in, get up, take some lorazapram, ly down again. This will work for sure. Woof. What the f....? GUS! Eventually fall alseep around 7am or so, wake up at 12, feeling like hell. All of this of course points to one thing:

NEEDLE DAYS STILL SUCK DONKEY BALLS!!!!!

Update

I'm proud of myself for last night. I survived 4 hours of intense martial arts training. Too bad today was a sloth day. I expected as much after that workout in addition to needle time which always makes me feel like I worked 10 times harder than I did. So yeah. It wouldn't be so bad if where I am living wasn't so damned noisey in the mornings. And I think that sword form did a number on my right buttock. haha. One really fancy move involving a crouch really twisted up that muscle in a funny way. Sitting down and walking hurt. So I guess that means no exercise today if I want to be alive for tomorrow.

Basically I feel a little closer into shape thatn I have been after that. The fact that I survived all of that gave me confidence. Except that I took a good hard knee in the teeth it wasn't that bad. Albeit, I didn't go full out, just did what I could but I held my own and dished it out. :0 Yay. Go me!!! :D

Dammit

I missed my appt. at the clinic. I totally forgot about it. Feck! I should call this afternoon and rebook. I've been slacking inthe health department. I'm out of shape, havn't been getting my regular blood tests and missing doses. But I've been getting good sleep, feel alright, and I'm slowly working back into a regular program. But I have to work harder at being on time and getting where I have to be, physically and mentally and otherwise. Just a little harder, not asking for much from myself. You'd think it would be easy. Guess not...

Bad few days

I'm exhausted, but I've hardly done anything. Haven't felt quite like myself the last 3 days. I've been pretty groggy. I hope this isn't a sign of something coming, everytime I've had a relapse or something I've been tired for days or weeks beforehand.

What topples that is a new, potentialy serious, medical problem that is unrelated to MS. I'll have to get that checked out next week and see what that is all about. In the mean time, I've been in a lot of pain and so tired I can't really do anything, including work so I just have to survive a little longer and maybe things will clear up.

I have to start sleeping better. That is a major problem. There is quite a bit of stress in my life right now as well. Dealing with things I never thought I'd have to deal with. Sometimes I can't breathe when I think about it, other times it all makes sense and I handle it well.

Hopefully some energy will find me in the next couple of days. My Friday night is obviously shot to hell. So much for the best laid plans. :S

I wish the sun would come out and the dampness would go for a bit. That might help with my mood. But there are more pression and concerning things to worry about for the now. Cheers.

Fellow Artist Living with MS

I cam across this story by Aaron Solowoniuk, the drummer for Billy Talent, and I thought it interesting enough to share here as his story is strikingly similar to mine.

...It was November of 1997, I had just started a new job at Chrysler building
the new intrepid, Concorde and 300m. I was making more money, and I could take
off more time to play shows with my band Pezz. Days after starting my new job I
got a strange numbness in my legs. I couldn't walk for more than five minutes
without having to sit down because of this pain in my legs. I thought it was
just because this job was a lot more physically demanding then my last job.

After months of tests I was told that I probably had MS but a full
diagnosis couldn't be made until I had another symptom within two years.

In November of 1998 the numbness in my legs was gone but I could make it
come back by bending my neck forward. This would also send a feeling of an
electrical shock to my feet. Just a couple months later in January of 1999, I
suddenly got an awful pain in my left eye. It was like being punched in the eye
by a ghost. I went straight to my eye doctor; he told me I had optic neuritis.

When I told this to my neurologist, I found out that it's very common
for people with MS and the disease was progressing. He wanted me to start a new
type of medicine. I had to self-inject myself three times a week in the arm,
thigh, stomach or butt--and do this for the rest of my life.

I
practically ran out of the doctor's office and into the stairwell with my
girlfriend close behind me. We cried in the stairwell for a while and then went
right over to my parents' house. Through all of this madness, I was so lucky to
have my girlfriend, who is now my wife and the mother of our amazing daughter,
beside me.

Coming to terms with the fact that I had to start giving
myself needles forever was really hard. A could've of the side effects really
hit me once I started the medication. I feel in to a deep depression and started
seeing a psychiatrist. I really felt like my life was falling apart. I had
always wanted to be a drummer in a rock band but was told I should "take it
ease." I remember saying "ya right" in my head: none of my dreams had come true
and now I had an incurable disease.

It was really rough for the first
year and a half but the new medicine started to work. The MS Society of Canada
helped me get all the information and tools to get my life back on track. My
symptoms were gone, and when they did come back they were just minor set backs.

We changed the name of the band from Pezz to Billy Talent and continued
writing music. We released a four song EP and got a record deal. I quit my job
and started playing drums full time.

I guess the reason I'm telling you
this is because I didn't let something like MS get in the way of me becoming who
I was suppose to become...

Rock on Aaron! Like you, I didn't let MS stop me from becoming who I was suppose to become. NTS awaits my arrival as does the rest of my life as an actor. Maybe one day I'll write up my story and publish it in the MS journal. Kudos for finding the right girl from the start too. I think I just found mine recently (again). Proper support can't be understated in times of need. And it takes a caring, patient, and understanding individual to stay the course. That's for any chronic illness or disease; it's usually a long tough road to recovery and they have to be just as tough as we are. Finding out how tough someone is is difficult without subjecting them to the same conditions (which I would not wish on my enemies), so a lot of guess work can leave us broken hearted at times. Hooray for complex living.

On another note, I've also put together a nice training program. It's very flexible and light and should provide the best results, achieving max effect through min effort. Now I need to get a meal plan together. :) I love food.